Emotions and Behaviour
Children express their emotions, needs and wants from birth — and that often shows up as behaviour. Noticing what’s behind the behaviour, responding to it, and managing your own response can be one of the trickiest parts of parenting.
Tuning in helps your child learn to recognise their own feelings — and deepens your relationship along the way.
What tuning in builds
What it looks like and how to help
Understanding emotions and behaviour
Three places to start: knowing what’s typical, tuning into emotions, and supporting positive behaviour.
For trickier days
When the usual approaches don’t work
Every child is different. If the usual responses aren’t landing, here are four other things to consider — plus a steadying note for moments of crisis.
Check the basics
Physical health
Children often show big behaviours when their body doesn’t feel right — and many can’t tell you when they’re poorly, hungry, tired or uncomfortable. Worth ruling out first.
* Check basic needs: hungry? thirsty? tired? too hot or cold?
* Support good sleep — many young children need 10–13 hours a night
* Look out for constipation: hard stools, belly aches, fear of the toilet
* Offer regular snacks with energy-giving foods (fruit, toast, cereal, yoghurts)
* Consider pain or illness: earache, tummy ache, teething, infection
* Speak to your GP for constipation, infections, pain, or sudden behaviour changes
Reduce the friction
Keeping communication simple
Especially important for children who aren’t talking yet — frustration and misunderstanding can quickly tip into upset.
* Use clear, short sentences — “Coat on please”
* Show as well as tell — gestures, pictures, the actual coat
* Give time to take it in — count silently to 10 after an instruction
* Avoid questions — they can feel like demands
* Try a fun framing — “Hurray, tea’s ready!” beats “Sit down now”
* Accept any communication back — gestures, pointing, sounds, showing
Too much, or not enough
Sensory triggers
Some children are particularly sensitive — noise, lights, smells, textures, crowds, movement can quickly feel overwhelming. Others need a lot of stimulation to feel right.
IF THEY’RE EASILY OVERWHELMED:
* Watch for clues they’ve had enough — covering ears, avoiding bright rooms, needing to move, going still and shut down
* Create calming spaces at home — a cosy corner, soft lighting
* Reduce overload — turn down lights and noise, avoid busy shops, try noise-cancelling headphones
* Build calm-place breaks into the day before they tip
IF THEY NEED LOTS OF STIMULATION:
* Use outdoor time — walks, parks, nature play
* Movement breaks — jumping, running, climbing, pushing heavy items
* Sensory tools — fidget toys, chewy items, weighted blankets (where safe)
Routine builds safety
Avoiding surprises
Some children find changes or surprises particularly difficult and quickly feel worried. Knowing what’s coming helps them cope.
* Use a visual timetable — pictures of breakfast, school, park
* Give a warning before changes — “In two minutes, we’ll tidy up”
* Keep routines the same where you can — routine equals safety
* Offer simple choices (“This cup or that cup?”) to give a sense of control
In the moment
Dealing with a crisis
Whatever you do, there will be moments when your child melts down. As a parent it can feel upsetting, frustrating or embarrassing. A few things that help:
* Focus on keeping your child safe until the upset passes
* If the environment is stressful, move somewhere quieter and calmer if you can
* Try to stay calm yourself — it helps your child and helps you handle the moment
* If you’re with another adult who knows your child, work as a team
* Keep communication simple — single words, a gesture, just reassurance
